Pros and Cons of Online Dating Apps and Dating a NT When You Are a ND
Dating can be exciting, nerve-wracking, frustrating, and hopeful—all at the same time. When you add Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD) into the mix, it brings its own unique set of challenges and lessons. Today I want to share some of my experiences with dating, especially in the world of dating apps, and what I’ve learned along the way.
Why I Chose These Apps
Right now, I’m using two dating apps: Coffee Meets Bagel and Hinge. I like Coffee Meets Bagel because it was created by three women and puts more control in the hands of women on the platform. A guy can only chat with you if you’ve liked him back, which makes me feel safer and more respected. The app also gives a set time frame to respond, which helps keep conversations moving.
I enjoy Hinge for different reasons. One of its unique features is the ability for users to answer prompts with their voice. I love this because you can hear someone’s tone and personality before meeting in person. I believe you can tell a lot about someone from the way they speak.
Communication Struggles
One of my biggest challenges with online dating is that I do better in person than over text. When texting, I can’t always tell the tone behind a message, and that can lead to misunderstandings. I also don’t have the benefit of nonverbal cues—facial expressions, gestures, body language—that help guide me in a conversation.
Because of my auditory strengths, I’m naturally a good listener, but that can backfire. Sometimes I listen too much and don’t share enough about myself, and other times I get so passionate about a topic that I talk for too long without realizing it. Finding that balance between listening and speaking is something I’m always working on.
One technique I’ve developed is keeping track of how long I’ve been talking and then intentionally turning the conversation back to the other person with a question like, “What do you think about this?” That way, it feels more like a true dialogue.
When Conversations End Suddenly
Another frustrating part of dating—especially online—is when someone abruptly stops talking to me for no apparent reason. This can happen after a few exchanges or even after months of chatting. Some people don’t like to explain why they’re ending a connection, perhaps because they don’t want to hurt feelings or they just want to move on quietly.
But for me, as someone with NLD, not knowing the reason makes it harder to learn and grow. I prefer honesty, even if it’s uncomfortable. Without it, I’m left wondering what went wrong.
The Reality of Ghosting
Ghosting—when someone you’ve been in regular contact with suddenly disappears without explanation—is unfortunately common in online dating. I’ve experienced it more than once, and it’s never easy. Ghosting leaves a void where closure should be, and it can happen in romantic relationships, friendships, or even casual connections.
While I’ve learned to accept that it happens, I still wish more people would communicate directly. Even a short message is better than silence.
Knowing What I Want
It’s taken me years to figure out what I truly want in a partner:
Someone who loves me and is honest, trustworthy, and hardworking
Protective but not overprotective
Understanding and compassion
Willing to learn about NLD and how it impacts my life
Supportive during difficult times, such as when I’m experiencing a meltdown, triggered by past trauma, or struggling with migraines
I value support from family and friends deeply, but it feels different when it comes from a partner who loves and understands you romantically.
Lessons From a Past Relationship
I learned many of these preferences from a relationship that turned toxic. At the time, I didn’t realize how unhealthy it was. I became a different version of myself—rebellious, closed-minded, and disconnected from my family. That relationship didn’t respect my independence or my needs as someone living with NLD, migraines, and the effects of past trauma.
When it ended, I did a lot of work to rebuild my life and understand myself better. Now I know I need a partner who accepts and supports every part of me—not one who ignores or minimizes my challenges.
Moving Forward
The experiences I’ve had, both good and bad, have helped me become clearer about what I will and will not accept in a relationship. They’ve also shown me how important it is to be honest with myself and my partner.
If you’re navigating dating with NLD—or any kind of difference—take time to reflect on your needs and boundaries. Write them down if it helps. Knowing them makes it easier to recognize the right person when they come along.
