Authenticity vs. Masking and NLD
For many of us with NLD, we wear a mask because we may not know how to be our true selves or may not be comfortable with it. Or maybe we are comfortable with it but we don’t know how to show it because the world doesn’t fully understand what the hell NLD is. I try to help people understand what is better by making this podcast and by being my true self even though I’m discovering more of myself every day. Following is an excerpt from an article titled “Authenticity: Are You Comfortable in Your Own Skin?” by Venus King, she is (quote) “a business faculty member at Central Community College in Grand Island, Nebraska. She also serves as the Promotional Strategist for The Global Leadership Summit and marketing lead for Third City Christian Church Annual Women's Retreat. She is currently a leadership coach in training with Who You Are Coaching.” Her article is about when she felt her “altogether mask” as she calls it come off. “For many of us, each morning we get up and go to our closets to pick out our outfit for the day. For some, that includes the perfect shoes, the belt, and perhaps just the right jacket to tie it all together. For me, there was one accessory I would not leave the house without—my trusty mask. You know, the “I’ve got it all together mask.” (end quote)
I can relate to what Venus says in this article because I have felt like I had it all together when I was trying to apply to college and realizing that I would need help with the essays. After all, I knew writing was a real challenge for me so I let my mom help me. I also decided to let my mom and many others help me graduate from college even though I used to think needing help was a sign of weakness. I realized that it's not true. It's a sign of strength to realize that you need help and to ask for it.
I think the only time I try to limit how much I share is when I’m dating or making new relationships with NTs (Neurotypicals) because I’m not sure how they will react to NLD, the sexual abuse, or other private things I may want to share with them that I don’t want them to tell anyone else without my permission.
I would also like to share an excerpt from an article titled “Leaning Into My Vulnerability With NVLD” written by Megan who is a (quote) “I’m a graduate of the Child & Youth Worker program from Cambrian College and I’m pursuing my degree in Disability Studies at Ryerson University along with a certificate in Aboriginal Knowledge & Experiences. I am a Project Social Ambassador for The NVLD Project.” “I was bullied for being “different” and I was continually struggling to find my place in the world. Being vulnerable means being exposed to various experiences that can instill a sense of trauma. Growing up with a label attached to your name created a series of unfortunate events as I call them. I was naïve and trusted people far too easily, I wore my heart on my sleeve which often left me broken-hearted and I was a giver to those who didn’t deserve my worth.”
I can relate to Megan because I was also bullied growing up as I shared with you in the fun episode. I also experienced something similar to what Megan did when I was in college from two of my friendships that were quite one-sided. I didn’t really find out about this until I was wanting to have one of my friends over for my birthday in my senior year and he didn’t feel comfortable coming over because of him being queer (questioning his sexuality) and my brother is straight. I didn’t understand his feelings because my brother is an ally of LBTQA+ people. So I decided to stop being friends with him because he was frequently late to our meetups or didn’t come to them at all.
The other friend that I lost in connection with in college was a girl that I met in one of my math classes. We became good friends and I found out that she lived close to my parents’ home. But when we both got back to college the next semester and I tried to hang out with her in our senior years she never could hang out because she was too busy with some club she was a part of. Eventually, I gave up communication with her and decided to concentrate on finding friends that would care more about me and put the equal time that I put into the relationship. I did find friends that did this for me.
One of those girls I met in an environmental club I was a part of in my freshman year and I kept in touch with her because we got along. We also lived close to each other. We did many fun things together like getting dinner and playing cards with my friends and apartment-mate. My apartment-mate's name is Cat and my friend’s name is Naomi. The other girl I met in an environmental class in my junior year of college and we also got along really well so we got dinner together frequently. We would also study together for the class we took together. Her name is Laurel. And I still keep in touch with those two girls today. I look forward to today when COVID is over so I can see these girls in person again because I miss them.
I also have two good, close friends Jeannine and Natalie that I keep in contact with over facetime. They have supported me with many things in my life including NLD and my sexual abuse. I met Natalie when I was in girl scouts and no she was not one of the girls that made fun of me. We lived close to each other so it was easy for us to hang out, but once I quit girl scouts we stopped hanging out. But we reconnected when we both started college and she was attending my mom’s church in the summertime. She went to a different college than I did but we kept in touch by facetime maybe once a month while we were in college because we wanted to support each other and stay friends. Now we’re both out of college and have jobs. We facetime on the weekends. I met Jeannine in 2019 when she started attending my mom’s church. She was volunteering at church. We decided to hang outside of the church and found out that we had a lot in common. It was weird because we both had gone to UC Berkeley and Summer Bridge at different times. We worked with children who had autism or Down’s syndrome and were homeschooled before attending college. Now we both work and facetime on the weekends.
I also met my friend Geoff at my mom’s church when we were in Sunday school together. We became closer friends when he started to tutor me for all my math classes. We would attend youth of unity events together. He’s 3 years older so he was ahead of me in the programs but that wasn’t an issue. He is like a second brother to me because he has supported me with my sexual abuse trauma, NVLD, chronic migraines, and been my math tutor for years. I still keep in touch with him today. I do also have another friend named Christian who is our videographer at my mom’s church. We started talking more once my mom started doing virtual services from the sanctuary at her church. He didn’t know I had NLD when we started talking but he does know because I told him about once I created a podcast for my mom’s church. We have become good friends because he lets me be vulnerable about my NLD which is what true friends do. I can’t wait for COVID to end so I can get back to having my social life. I’m telling you about my friends because I want to give you examples of people that let you be authentic and vulnerable and support it. Also, ones that don’t support this because I’ve had both.
A song that illustrates someone wanting to be more authentic is “Reflection” by Lea Salonga from the Disney movie Mulan. I hope that they’re other NLDers out there like me that have good true friends. I also have been creating good friendships with NLDers online since I created this podcast. It has been fun getting to know fellow NLDers because then we get to relate on many things that are in common with having NLD. We also get to have empathy with each other because of all the challenges that come with having NLD. So even if you are authentic and vulnerable, you may still occasionally mask your NLD like me and many others who have it still struggle with it today.
Link for the article:
