Dating with NLD and Quirkiness of NLD
We’ll discuss what it's like to date with NLD and the quirkiness of NLD. I am joined by Tray who I met in a support group for people with NLD. I will ask him some questions about his life with NLD and then we’ll discuss the topic of dating.
“Dating Success: Strategies for Using Your Strengths with NVLD” from nvld.org states, that it is difficult to date with NLD or NVLD because, “people with NVLD have difficulties reading body language, understanding nuances such as sarcasm in communication, and simply managing to transition to new environments.”
I remember the first time I went on a date I wasn’t sure if the guy liked me until he tried to kiss me. And it wasn’t a very good first kiss either so that was embarrassing for him. But we were able to work it out later. My point is that you should play to your strengths, not your differences. For instance the article I referenced earlier suggests that we use our audio memory when dating. This is really good advice because remembering what your date says can go a long way in first impressions.
They also recommend that you have dates where you can talk easily such as “parks, or quiet restaurants.” This is good advice because if it’s hard to hear what your date is saying then you’re going to miss out on the whole experience of dating. A mall is also a good option because you can walk around and go to the shops. Plus it’s usually pretty quiet there.
Another thing that I found helpful that this article advises is role-playing. This is fun to do with a family member or close friend. You should practice acting out common date scenes so you can know how to read body language better and properly. When you do it in a friendly environment you won’t feel as awkward if it happened somewhere else. This will prepare you for the next date so that you feel more confident when talking to him or her.
Also, remember to take things slowly at the beginning of a relationship because if you don’t it may backfire later. Whether it’s dating, living with NLD, or being quirky because we have NLD, I and others who have NLD still struggle with these issues today.
Following are some things that can happen in social situations when you NLD that can make it hard to date. It can also be hard to do dating because when you have NLD you can have jokes easily go straight over your head. This is embrassing for you and the guy or girl because then they may think that you thought it wasn’t funny. It’s also challenging for me to know when the guy is really interested in me or not. Sometimes I misinterpret a text, conversation or comment from a guy and think I did or said something wrong, when in reality I didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes I don’t know how to respond correctly in a social situation if I’ve never been in it, didn’t hear what the guy said or asked me because of the noise in the background, in this case I usually smile or say sorry I didn’t catch that.
They are some NLVDer quirks that I have that a guy might not find attractive. I don’t always like brushing my teeth, making my bed, keeping my room clean, or taking a shower, I don’t wear makeup because I don’t need it, like putting it on, and am not very good at trying to do it. I don’t like acting like a girly girl. I like getting dirty, messing and am okay with going head first into situations. I can be very blunt and straight forwad at times with things I say. This is not a good thing because sometimes people take that too personally when it wasn’t intended in that way. Usually this happens when I’m not aware of my tone of voice. When I had braces for two years there was one summer that I decided to not brush my teeth at all. I don’t know why I did that for like three months. I remember when I finally did brush my teeth for a month I realize how bad my breath was smelling without brushing them for three months. Now I brush my teeth daily, wash my hair three times a week and try to keep my room clean.
I also am afraid to tell people about my personal experiences or thoughts because I don’t want them to respond in a negative way to them. This fear stems from when I had disclosed a secret to my family when I was 12 which created a lot of family drama. Since not everyone in my family responded the way I thought they would by taking sides of who believed whom, and it was a case of he said she said. Consequently, this tore our family apart. It also left a big elephant in our family that no one talks about and doens’t address it. If you want to hear more about this situation you can read chapter 20 in this book.
So whether it’s having a weird kiss, awkward silence, being afraid of how someone will respond I and others who have NLD still have these challenges when we’re trying to date someone. tIn conclusion, I would like you to think about the challenges you have with dating whether you are a NT or ND. Also think about what makes you weird or quirky because of having NLD, being a ND, nerdy, etc.
