Why Obvious Things Annoy NVLDERS

Today, we’re going to discuss why obvious things are annoying to people with NLD. Since I have NLD I find it annoying when someone states the obvious. A good example is when my family was driving into work one morning when we saw that there had been a car accident on the freeway. I saw that there was a car part that someone was trying to move out of the way of the cars which was stupid because they were going to get run over. I asked my dad what it was because I couldn’t see it very well since I was in the back seat. His response was a car part. He stated the obvious: I knew it was a car part. I should have been more specific and asked what part of the car it was. But I didn’t think that was necessary. I was wrong. 

I would say that when someone states the obvious to me I find it annoying because I don’t find it necessary. I guess that’s because my mind tends to take things too literally. For instance, if someone is joking with me I am not always going to know that they’re teasing me. If their face is straight, their tone of voice sounds serious or I don’t get the joke then I won’t be able to tell. On the other hand, if all of that is false then I do try to tease them back as best I can. 

Since my mind doesn’t naturally sense when one is joking with me I have to work at this more. But I have gotten to this because I was aware of it even before I was diagnosed with NLD, which is when I was 19 and now I am 24 years old. After I knew I was diagnosed it was easier to know why that happened to me. It’s because my brain is wired differently than most.   

Because my brain is wired differently I have to remind myself often that comments may not be necessary like correcting someone, or pointing out that something is an obvious or literal part/meaning of something. Although sometimes I do point to the literalness of something just to be silly because my family knows that my mind tends to think in more black and white terms. It can be a stretch for me to see the gray side of things, but sometimes that depends on what that is. 

I think that another reason that something obvious annoys me is that it is like why wouldn’t I notice it if it’s right in front of my face with the obviousness? If it’s very clear that the obviousness is there and you point it out it may make the person with NLD think why are you pointing this out to me? To them, they think it’s not necessary to point it out. 

Maybe the neurotypical thinks that I can’t see that it's so obvious? If this is true it may make the one with NLD think that they don’t have a brain that thinks literally or black and white when they know that’s not true. The article I found to support the literal world of people with NLD is titled “The Black and White World of the NLD Child” by Marcia Rubinstein, MA, CEP. 

“They struggle to find classrooms, remember locker combinations, and navigate through the cafeteria with a tray, a backpack, and a prayer that nothing will spill to further cement their status as losers.” (https://www.smartkidswithld.org/getting-help/nld/black-white-world-nld-child/)

I can relate to this article because I remember in college once I knew that I had NLD I tried to fit in even more complex because it added to my uniqueness now I just wasn’t a woman who had been to 26 countries, homeschooled before college, sexually molested but I also had NLD. This was something I had to learn how to describe to my friends if I wanted to tell them about it. I found myself having to fit in more because of all my unique qualities and spending extra time describing why I was brought up the way I was. Another good point about NVLDERs is that we try to fit in so hard that it may not be obvious to a neurotypical because they’re not seeing all the things that are going on in the NVLDer's head. Like them having to notice body language, social cues, wearing popular clothes, that my hair looks good, and that I don’t say something wrong. This would make the wheels turn in your mind and you feel like steam is coming out of your ears because you're trying so hard to fit in. All of this adds to the stress in your mind so when someone points out the obvious to you and if they don’t know you have NLD it will be annoying because your NVLD mind will be like duh! You don’t have to tell me that! I notice things that are very literal, black and white. It’s difficult to see the gray things.  

Here’s another article that should help with explaining why obvious are annoying to NVLDers and might help describe NLD to neurotypicals. It is from The NVLD Project and is titled “The Irony Of Having Non-Verbal Learning Disability, by Megan who is a “graduate of the Child & Youth Worker program from Cambrian College and I’m pursuing my degree in Disability Studies at Ryerson University along with a certificate in Aboriginal Knowledge & Experiences. I am a Project Social Ambassador for The NVLD Project.”

“I’ve had a strong vocabulary since the age of five. Most of my childhood was spent writing extensive creative stories with words straight out of a thesaurus. However, if you asked me a math equation I’d look at you blankly and wouldn’t know the answer. Ask me to put together a puzzle, and I wouldn’t be able to comprehend how the pieces connect. I frustrated teachers yet amazed my parents. I could write novels, comprehend Shakespeare, and read books beyond my years. Yet, I still don’t know how to ride a bike because of my poor balance coordination, and learning how to drive has been anything but fun for me because of my poor spatial recognition.” (https://nvld.org/irony-having-non-verbal-learning-disability/)

I can also relate to this quote because I felt that I have a strong vocabulary when I talk but not when I read or listen to TV. I have to pause “The Rachel Maddow Show,” when we watch it as a family because I need to ask my parents about what some of the words mean. Sometimes my parents know what word I’m going to ask about before I even ask, they are good at reading my mind. This can also happen to me when I’m reading a book because I do not know the definition of the word or what it can mean in different contexts. Or sometimes I have heard the word and know what it means but I’ve never seen it written so that can trip me up sometimes. 

I can also have challenges with driving and puzzles because of the visual-spatial aspect of it. I’ve improved a little with doing jigsaw puzzles during the COVID-19 pandemic. Driving is difficult for NVLDers to learn because of having a harder time with multi-tasking, gross and fine motor skills, and having a slower processing speed/reflexes. If you want more detail about driving challengers for NVLDERs go to chapter 11, please.

When Megan said she had to spend extra time explaining what NLD was to her friends because they didn’t get what it was because she could talk. I get that because I’m a social butterfly. It's like yes I’m verbal but it’s hard for me to understand social cues, facial expressions, and body language along with many other things that are non-verbal like the tone of voice. These are only some of the things that are difficult for an NVLDer to understand and comprehend. One thing I have done that I found helpful is listening to an episode on TV that you are familiar with, trying to listen to it with no sound and just watching all the nonverbal parts. This would be hard for a NVLDer but try it. And see if you can read the body language. See if you can match the body cues to the words and emotions of the characters. Another way you could do this is by pausing the TV show when you need help understanding body language by asking your neurotypical friend or family member about it. Ask them if you are reading it right or incorrectly so you can learn how to read it correctly the next time. Or if you got it right then you can try to remember the emotions, tone of voice, and the context in the TV show that the body language matched. 

Also Michale Brian Murphy the author of “NLD From The Inside Out,” has some really good books including this one about NLD. And he has NLD himself. The second edition is about helping NVLDers understand body language and social situations. The third one is about the science behind NLD. If you read, research, and listen to material about NLD it should help you describe it to someone else even if you have it or not. 

I know that my friends who do listen to the podcast can better understand NLD because they’re taking the time to understand it from my perspective and others as well. I appreciate that they listen to it. They are also trying to expand upon their knowledge of what I have already shared with them about it. Or maybe you are starting with a fresh and open mind that is ready to learn because they know very little about NLD and want to learn more about it. Maybe because they have someone in their life that may have a similar learning challenge that is invisible on the outside also like mine and want to learn how to help them better by listening to the podcast. I would encourage you to use Michael Murphy’s books and The NVLD Project as your resources to learn, educate and help yourself understand more about NLD. 

Because NLD may not appear for someone who has it until they are older it will be harder to diagnose and help that individual out until they have a diagnosis. Once they do then you can help in ways that will be very helpful because you know what challenges they experience and why. I understand that this is a different topic than the obviousness of something being annoying but I think it relates to this because if NLD is hard to see when one has it then that may be annoying too. After all, then it's like, come on, I need help for the one who has it. This can be true for any learning challenge that is invisible and hard to see on the outside. Like ASD, ADHD, Asperger’s, and maybe Down’s Syndrome, It may also be true with physical challenges that may be hard to see on the outside. 

Usually what is on the outside is easier to see than on the inside because it is more obvious than what would be on the inside of someone. You can see their appearance but you can’t see their personality until you get to know them better. You also can’t see their thoughts or what is going on in their mind. This would also be true of what happens to a person in their life that may or may not be related to the learning or physical challenge that they have. For example, the things that happened to me where I was taken advantage of like the sexual abuse and con artist (see chapter 20 for more details) are not obvious things that one would see from the outside. You would only know about them if I was close to them and trusted them and wanted to tell them about them. You also may know of them because of this podcast, since they both have to do with NLD in some way or another. 

I hope that I gave you some tools that will help you know how to describe NLD better to family members, friends, and strangers. Whether it’s trying to deal with trying to do better with obvious annoying things, getting a joke, or teasing someone else, I and other people with NLD  still have issues with these things today. If you find obvious things annoying you might try not saying that they are right when it happens since people with NLD tend to comment on things that aren’t always necessary.