How to Describe How You Feel and Emotions When you have NLD
[2:49] Ok, so today’s episode will be about how to describe how you feel and emotions when you have NLD. Have you ever had a difficult time describing your emotions to your friends and your family? Have you ever not been able to find the words to describe your emotions and had to rely on your family or friends to supply feelings that might fit your moods or emotions? I have found myself in all of these situations before.
[3:22] NVLDers, or people who have NVLD have difficulties with expressing our emotions because sometimes we lack the words to describe our emotions when we need them the most. This happens to me quite often. Like I don’t know why I’m crying so much over something little. It’s probably because people with NLD tend to make things bigger than they need to be.
[3:50] I think that’s connected to our minds being more literal than people who are neurotypical and going to the extremes of things. I think we tend to exaggerate the scale or weight of things because we’re not– we’re tired of not having enough attention on us or other NVLDers. And we’re wanting more because we need help but don’t know how to always properly ask for it. [sighs] Like we– sorry– like we may cry a lot, be very quiet or say, “I love you,” repeatedly when we want something but don’t know how to ask for it directly. I think I’ve done all of those, especially the last one. We probably do this to try to advocate for ourselves and fellow NVLDers because we feel like we don’t get enough advocacy.
[4:59] Here are some songs that can help you feel loved and help you express emotions: “Beloved” by Jordan Feliz, “Walking Miracles,” by Mathew West, “Now,” by Mallory Hope, and “Feel Alright,” by Guy Sebastian, Oliver Nelson, and Steerner. Also, “Treading Water,” by Chris Klaffold, and “Grace” by–, “Grace Wins,” by Matthew West, “Unwell,” by Matchbox 20, and “Invisible” by Matth- sorry, Hunter Hayes.
[5:41] Here’s an article from nldontheweb and is titled “The Misunderstood Child: The Child With a Nonverbal Learning Disorder,” by Liza Little, who has a psychology degree and is a RN says that, quote, “ In addition, children with NLD may be treated for tantrums, problem-solving, contextualizing, and coping with emotions” end quote.
[6:20] I can relate to the quote above because I have had to learn how to cope with my emotions as I’ve become more accustomed to expressing them. I’ve had to become comfortable with the different levels of my emotions and realize that it’s okay to cry and be mad when needed.
[6:39] Also, I’ve learned that you should express what your feelings – wha–sorry– what you’re feeling or need to talk about more rather than holding it in because you may get a different response than you thought you would. Like for example, that’s why I share with you guys when I’m having a bad day and I have a migraine and I am nauseous or something because you might be wondering why I’m having a hard time with the podcast and why it sounds choppy and weird and not so smooth. And, it might seem like I share that in every episode, but that’s because my migraines are chronic and I usually have them everyday. So, It’s just part of my life and some people with NVLD do have migraines so, I think it’s connected to that but– anyways–
[7:56] Here’s another article from the NVLD Project titled “Expressing Your Needs and Feelings,” by Eileen who “will always think the world of my speech therapist.” I mean, of her speech therapist. Quote, “Thankfully one day I just had a meltdown and let all of my feelings come out. What a relief this was, I felt so much better. Those around me now understood me better and were able to support me and moving forward I was more willing to talk about my frustrations when I had them which allowed me to really see how hard I actually work and how much I can accomplish. Little did I know how big this day was for my future. I now started to learn that it was critical to my success to be able to talk to those around me about how I was feeling and what I needed” to– what I needed sorry– “so I could keep the focus on the tasks at hand,” end quote.
[9:04] I can also relate to this quote because I know what it’s like to have emotional meltdowns especially one that is related to holding in feelings or NLD challenges. My last one was about being unexpectedly ghosted by one of my friends, or who I thought was a friend. This taught me to realize who are my friends and who aren’t. Also, not that everyone will stay in my life. And the ones who are supposed to leave it.
[9:46] I did an art- not an article– I did an episode about that on this podcast with the ghosting and had neurotypicals and NVLDers contribute to that episode and I think it came out quite well. Excuse me. And, it was one of the most involved episodes I’ve done on this episode because I had, I think thirteen people contribute to it, both neurotypicals and NVLDers contributed. And, I did that because ghosting is a thing that both neurotypicals and NVLDers experience and I wanted to show that and I wanted to show that it happens to more neurodiverse people than you think it would. And, um, yeah, so, and that was a recent episode, so, you can find it on the website if you want to go listen to it.
[10:57] Here’s another article titled “The Invisible Disability,” quote, “Serious emotional problems. When parents, teachers, and specialists misunderstand the deficits associated with NVLD, it can lead to depression, anxiety, and phobias. Adults place a lot of pressure on their little professors to perform. Students with NVLD want to please others and become anxious when they cannot do what they’re expected of them. They have no idea why they often annoy others. Adults may see their behavior as a deliberate plan to gain attention, without understanding that these children's right-brain deficits prevent them from comprehending social” excuse me, “social expectations...Some students with NVLD are seen as openly defiant and are placed in classrooms for children with emotional and behavioral disorders. But NVLD is not the same as an emotional disorder-behavior management therapies are not the remedial services these students need” end quote.
[12:17] This quote brings up a very good point that if parents minimize NLD and say something like “it’s an excuse for you to be stupid.” That discounts it as a learning challenge and that it’s isn’t a big deal. Let me tell you as a fellow NVLDer if you’ve heard this from a parent, friend, sibling, or someone else. The hell with them. None of that is true. What they’re saying is bullcrap. Sorry about my language there, but I think it’s necessary. Anyone who minimizes any learning challenge doesn’t know what it is like to live with it. And hasn’t done enough research to understand the severity it can have on someone’s life. I would say this goes for physical challenges as well.
[13:11] People with NVLD may be defiant because they get dismissed too much when they’re at home or surrounded by ones that should care about and support them the most. Not every NVLDer has a supportive family or friends as I do and I’ve tried to showcase some of those people in the interviews on this podcast.
[13:34] I know I have been this way when I felt like the sexual abuse I experienced was being minimized by basically half of my extended family. Sorry, that sentence didn’t make sense when I said that. What I’m trying to say is I felt– I felt this when my, when half of my extended family minimized my sexual abuse that I experienced my family. I was standing for what happened to me and my story. Also for my emotions behind being behind it being real and valid. I didn’t want anyone dismissing what I had been through or experienced.
[14:28] I talk about that experience because it’s similar to minimizing NLD and its severity. I know when I experienced the abuse I suppressed all my emotions both positive and negative because I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on. I also didn’t w–know that it was wrong which is why I thought it was okay to suppress my emotions. If you want to know more about this experience go listen to episode 20 on this podcast.
[15:09] And, another thing about expressing emotions– it’s good to let them out not just by talking to people but– you could talk to yourself about it or you could, you know, journal about it and get it out that way too. And, that is a goodway to do that because it will let you have a healthier life and be able to, like I was saying, not feel so, um, bottled up, and have your emotions be so bunched up inside you all the time. And, I know that people with autism have a challenge with this too. And, ADHD I believe as well. And, it’s it’s not easy expressing emotions and it’s not easy having the words to describe them all the time especially if you lack the vocabulary to describe them and being able to know how you’re feeling and be able to describe it.
[16:29] And if you need somebody to help you describe your emotions that’s okay. Just, don’t, um, don’t let them put words in your mouth because sometimes they can do that and then you can think they’re describing something that’s accurate when it may not be. Um, but sometimes it is accurate. So, you know, let it– the people that knew you the most, like your parents and really close friends or siblings, help you because they’ll be able to provide accurate answers. ‘Cause they all know you inside and out. And maybe better than you know yourselves. Um, at least that’s been what I– what I’ve been able to experience.
[17:29] So, as I wrap today I would like for you to know that there are still people out there with NLD who have issues with expressing emotions, controlling feelings, and finding words to describe them. I would like to hear from my audience about your challenges in these areas of expressing emotions, coping with them, describing them, and controlling them. Please comment on the episode on livingwithnld.com, or Youtube, or Spotify. You do not have to have NVLD to comment on the episode, or, if you do not want to comment on the episode you can email me if you feel that’s a more private way to communicate. My email is livingwithnld@gmail.com I hope you learned something new today and enjoyed the episode. Talk to you next Friday. Bye!
Links for articles:
