Neurodivergence and Being Bullied
Have you ever been bullied physically or online because of being neurodivergent as a nerd or OCD er. Or have you been name called, nicknamed, or been the receiver of a slur? Or worse, are you your own bully because you think you are a burden to others? Today's episode is inspired by some articles that I read recently and feelings that I've been wrestling or struggling with over my own whole life since I was diagnosed as an NBLD er, PTSD er, and chronic migraine warrior.
This episode wasn't easy for me to write, and I suspect it won't be easy to read or record it either. And perhaps to even listen to it. But sometimes that's the way you have to process emotional experiences in life, by sharing them with others so that they hopefully don't have to go through what you did or do.
Or if they have gone through something similar, They can learn from your experience to help their situation differently. The first article I would like to quote from is titled, "Why Geeks Get Bullied. (It is, it's not necessarily for being geeks)," by Noah Burlewski, written on January 31st, 2013.
"This isn't to say that "geek" is solely a class marker, nor that geeks experience bullying solely because of class resentments. On the contrary, I think people get bullied for lots of reasons. Most notable of these, perhaps, is homophobia, which is used not just against kids who are gay, but against kids who don't fulfill gender roles in any of a variety of ways. Said failure to fulfill gender roles including, for example, being more into Dungeons and Dragons than football. For that matter, class status and gender issues often map onto each other—so that intellectual interests of any sort can translate, in the schoolyard, into being seen as insufficiently male.
People can also take flak for their hobbies, of course. I've had people in comments on this very site dismiss my writing on the grounds that I'm interested in comics. But I think people who identify as geeks can tend to emphasize such interest-based friction while underestimating class and gender tensions which may have a lot more explanatory force. Thus, for instance, this piece from the Guardian on Alan Turing argues that he was ostracized in school because of his Asperger's and his genius—which is no doubt true. But it completely fails to mention his homosexuality, which is, after all, the main reason the British government decided to hound him to death.”
So for that one article, for me. My bully experience was, , the first one, which I've shared with you before in the podcast, but it's been a while. I was bullied and. Girl Scouts growing up. And one of the experiences I do remember, we were at an American Idol concert, I believe, and I was dancing to the song. I don't remember what the song was, but I was dancing to it. And I heard some of the girls in the background laughing at me and pointing at me. And I didn't remember, I didn't know in that experience that they were making fun of me, but looking back at it, I know now that's what they were doing. And I think I had a friend dancing with me too. She stopped dancing. I remember that I was still dancing because I was having fun. And, that's all I really remember. But I don't even remember how I felt at that moment, other than having fun. I don't remember if I was humiliated or embarrassed or what. So, yeah, that's, that's just kind of strange even trying to recall that. But with the article, I think I can kind of relate to that because I don't know if I really felt like a geek growing up or so much of a nerd just because I was pretty smart.
In high school and in the previous grades, I worked really hard to be smart. I had tutors, fortunately, and I tried to remember what I was taught and what I learned. And I took pretty good notes, I think. And, I was able to recall it better if I was. Doing speech to text notes. I remember that and I guess what I'm trying to say is I can even though I was homeschooled my social groups were Girl Scouts and church so I guess I was isolated. And the bullying was isolated also so I was fortunate that I didn't experience much of it until I was in high school. Until I was in Girl Scouts, which was middle school and a little above high school. And then I quit because I didn't like being made fun of with the cliques.
Let's go to the next article titled, "Autism, ADHD, Bullying, My neurodivergent autistic/ ADHD experience" published by Lyric Holmes on October 19 of 2022. " Lyric Rivera, an Autistic self-advocate from Texas, runs the internationally recognized neurodiversity lifestyle blog Neurodivergent Rebel.”
“When I would move a certain way, or talk about a subject that other children did not have interest in, I would be called “weird”, or “twitchy”, or the R word, or other things, by the kids. Other kids, especially little girls, were some of the meanest people I dealt with as a young person, and even teachers often were not helpful. For example, once I went to one of my teachers, and told them that I was being bullied, and picked on, and the teacher’s response was: “If you would just act normal, the other kids would leave you alone."
Wow Yeah, that's just a response. Definitely was not helpful so I've run across lyrics before and I really like her work because I can relate to some of the things that she has expressed with just not so much from my own experience, but from feeling like teachers might not understand what kids really, what special kids really need in school.
And actually I do have my own experience and this was in college. I remember, and I think I shared this once on. A previous podcast episode, I remember I was working on a group project, I think, and I was trying to understand the lab part of it, the instructions. And so I went to office hours for that professor and I'm not even sure I remember that much of the project right now, but all I remember was I couldn't understand the instructions and the professor was trying to describe it to me.
And I think the way he was describing it was kind of unclear to me and I was trying to help him understand how I was interpreting it. And it just, I got frustrated. I think he was getting a little frustrated too. And, all I remember right now is that I thought I was correct. But he was trying to explain that it wasn't really correct. And I was like, well, maybe you should have written instructions that were more clear. And he kind of got frustrated because he thought his instructions were clear, so, you know, that's where I think probably expect most of their students to be neurotypical and that's where they're wrong. Not all their students are going to be neurotypical and even if their students are neurotypical, not all are going to understand their instructions. Instructions are very tricky and you need to be able to understand them whether it's a lab project or writing or reading. Or whatever it's for, for a math problem don't even get me started on math.
The third article is titled " “The Roles of Bullying and Victimization in OCD and BDD: An International Sample” by Fugen Neziroglu, PhD, ABBP, ABPP; Tania Borda, PhD; Sony Khemlani-Patel, PhD; Brittany Bonasera Published Spring 2019. okay, so body dysmorphic disorder, which is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot more time worrying about flaws, in their body.And in their appearance and how they look in the mirror constantly and how their appearance is, it appears to others and avoids social situations or photos. Okay. I'm glad I looked that up.
“The results of this study suggest an interesting relationship between bullying, victimization, and BDD. Perhaps more broadly, the results suggest a relationship between BDD and interpersonal conflict.
However, there were some limitations to this study that are worth noting. One limitation was that since this study only looked at children during one point in time, we cannot know what came first: the bullying or the BDD symptomology. Therefore, children who were bullied may have already had clinical symptoms before being bullied, or they may have developed symptoms as a result of the bullying — both scenarios are equally as likely. Another limitation was that the diagnoses given to the children were based upon standardized measures alone and administered briefly in the school setting. It would have been helpful to have their diagnoses confirmed from parental interviews as well, especially to highlight any characteristics that may not have been captured within the measures used to determine the diagnoses.” Sometimes I'm not sure which part to quote from articles so I apologize if I didn't really provide the right quote from that article.
I don't know if some of you were bullied as kids, which I was by a family member, and I try not to remember those memories because they're painful. If they do come up, I have coping skills from therapy that I can use. You know, sometimes Things like that make you who you are today and can help you Help other people as well. And actually I do have one more article. So let's go to that So the fourth article is titled ten words and phrases You may not know our disability slurs from the mighty written by Kelly Douglas And a little bit about the mighty before I go to the article They're basically a blog, if you're not familiar with them, that is a collection of people who write articles, um, and usually the people are like me who have a learning difference.
And might experience migraines as well, so they are comorbid, it's, that's the term. They're living with two challenges at once. Or, they just have one challenge. Which might be easier, might not be to live with. Um, or you may have several challenges. And so, um, they're writing articles based on their experiences.
And I find them helpful to read sometimes. I say sometimes because sometimes I can't read the whole article just depending on how I'm feeling that day. So one, so I'm gonna list some of the words or terms from this article. I may not list all of them, but I'll always give you the links for the articles I use so that you can read them more if you want to.
1. “Spaz”: If you’ve ever called someone a “spaz,” you may have meant it all in good fun, but it’s anything but fun for many people with disabilities. The word “spaz” is slang for “spastic,” which is a medical term that was originally used to describe people with cerebral palsy.
2. “Crazy”: You’ve probably used the word “crazy” more times than you can count, but you may not know it’s harmful to people with mental illness. Since the Middle Ages, “crazy” has derogatorily referred to people who have a disease or sickness.
3. “Lame”: If your first inclination is to call a boring night out or a letdown of a party “lame,” please think again. Although “lame” was originally a term to describe people who struggle to move, by the 1600s, it was used to describe old, irrelevant news.
4. “Retard”: You’ve likely seen the “r-word” all over the internet — and you may also have spotted plenty of campaigns against it. “Retard” is one of the most recognizable disability slurs, but even a spate of awareness campaigns about how the “r-word” hurts people with intellectual disabilities hasn’t taken it out of people’s vocabularies.
5. “Fallen on deaf ears”: If you think someone’s ignoring you, you may feel tempted to say that your words have “fallen on deaf ears” — but some members of the Deaf community would like you to pick different phrasing.
And, she could also read lips, so that was helpful, too. But, um, it was interesting having her as a roommate and, um, as a friend. So, and actually, she was the one who helped me find, um, The place to do my testing in college and I'm sorry, I forgot I had one more article. This is a longer episode. Okay.
So last article, I promise this is the last one. Okay. It's titled “Understanding Neurodivergence: Neurodivergence is a term used to describe individuals whose neurological development and functioning differ from the so-called "neurotypical" majority. Some common examples of neurodivergent conditions include autism, dyslexia, ADHD, and dyspraxia. These conditions often impact the way individuals process information, communicate, and interact with their environment. While they can present challenges in certain areas, they also bring unique strengths and abilities that can be invaluable in various aspects of life.
Challenging the "Burden" Stereotype: Labeling neurodivergent individuals as a burden on society is a harmful and reductive way of thinking. This stereotype perpetuates the idea that these individuals are less capable and that their conditions are purely negative. However, this perspective overlooks the diverse range of talents and strengths that neurodivergent individuals can possess. For example:
Autism: Many individuals on the autism spectrum have exceptional abilities in areas such as memory, attention to detail, and pattern recognition. These skills can be invaluable in fields such as technology, engineering, and mathematics.
Dyslexia: While dyslexic individuals may struggle with reading and writing, they often excel in creative thinking, problem-solving, and spatial reasoning. This can lead to success in careers related to art, design, and entrepreneurship.
ADHD: People with ADHD may face difficulties with focus and organization, but they often possess high levels of energy, creativity, and adaptability. These qualities can be advantageous in fast-paced or dynamic work environments.
Dyspraxia: Dyspraxic individuals may struggle with motor skills and coordination, but they often develop strong compensatory strategies and display resilience and determination. This can translate to success in a variety of fields that require persistence and adaptability.”
While my diagnosis wasn't dyspraxia, I feel like it can relate to the last one because I do have motor skill and coordination challenges, which is part of NLD. Um, and I, because of that, I am very determined and I tend to be resilient too. Um, I say tend because sometimes, um, sometimes it's frustrating and hard to be resilient.
I'll just say that. Um, but I am determined and disciplined and you, usually I can be pretty focused on a task and the goal, especially with, um, running. I haven't been doing that for a while because I've been recovering from an injury. But, um, last year I did three half marathons and actually, actually, I don't know why I was injured, but, um, I completed my goal and I beat all my personal records, which was amazing.
And, I tend to like to compete with myself. So, um, I think when I get back to running, I'm going to try to take up my mom's idea and consideration of just doing it for fun and do less competitions as frequently. And, um, let my body recuperate because I really love it and I want to be able to still do it, but I don't want to be able to, I don't want to injure myself as much. So. I think she has a point. I hope this, uh, episode was helpful. And for those of you who have been bullied, I'm sorry. I hope this helped you not feel as alone with other people that have experienced the same thing.
And, if you like music, here are some songs that you can listen to called that are, with this topic, I believe so the first one is Invisible by Hunter Hayes. Um, I like that one a lot. And the second one is I Learn and I Forget by Daniel Neimod. Both of those, I feel like they do work with this topic and, um, I hope to record another episode in a few weeks and, um, I hope your new year is treating you well so far. Right. Bye.
