Being Sensitive to Tone Because of NLD, Comprehending Facial Expressions With NVLD, and Not Knowing What My Tone Sounds Like
So today we’ll discuss Being Sensitive to Tone because of NLD, Comprehending facial expressions with NVLD, and not knowing what my tone sounds like. The article for the NVLD Project is titled “Playing the Social Game,” by Madds who is quoted as “22, and I have NVLD. I was diagnosed when I was 16. I want to spread awareness.” end quote
“Social situations have always been hard for me. Body language was like an AP foreign language, while still learning spoken words. Sarcasm was taken too literally. Tone and inflection went unnoticed. I didn’t understand the side glances, the laughing, the joking. I didn’t realize that I was the punch line.”
I can relate to Madds since I was diagnosed. I felt relieved but also pressured because I wanted to make life easier for me and I knew that wasn’t going to be easy at all. Relieved because now I knew why I had so many challenges in my life. Social situations are difficult for me too because I have to know what to talk about that fits with the conversation, read the body language of the person or people I’m talking to and be able to comprehend it correctly.
Another article from Psychology Today titled “Facial Expressions, Anxiety, NLD'ers and others'' by Pia Savage is a “writer, journalist, and former social worker diagnosed with NVLD.”
“NLD'ers can have strange facial expressions and be very anxious. “We can't expect others to do all the work despite our missing signals, not giving off "normal" facial expressions, being very anxious, and/or depressed. We can work on learning signals, training our faces to look interested in others, and happy. Working on not being anxious isn't a "can" but a must.”
I can also relate to Pia since I’m usually anxious when I’m in a social situation because I’m trying to get all of their body language comprehension correct or at least somewhat accurate so that I don’t make a fool of myself. I do something for my mom where I look at quotes that she’s written and try to pick a picture with a person’s facial expression that goes with a quote. This is easy for me to do because of NLD.
It used to take several hours or even days to get one picture right for one quote and usually, she has me do about 10 or 15 at a time. Now it takes about an hour to get each photo right. She has given me feedback on the photos that I have chosen which has been very helpful because sometimes the expression is too flirty for the women. Or it’s just not the right facial expression for the quote like it may be too angry or too sad.
It’s also difficult because you’re just relying on the visual and you don’t have any tone or verbal cues to help you choose. You’re taking away the strengths that one with NLD has. Usually, it is hard for us to pick up on tone because of the inflection and having to notice the difference and emphasis in the person’s voice. But if it’s exaggerated then it’s easier to pick up on it than when it’s not.
I know one thing that helped me notice tones, emphasis, and emotions was doing a practice my therapist had me do which was to listen to little snippets from Disney movies Alice in Wonderland or Cinderella. I did Cinderella because there is a lot of emotion and tone of expression in those scenes in the movie, so it’s easier for me to recognize. I also did this to help me know when to emphasize my voice for my Podcasts episodes. It did help because then I noticed when the characters in the movie were doing it. It also made me laugh and was fun to do.
Another thing that is hard about the thing that my mom has for me is that sometimes I only have one part of the face to look at, meaning that it’s a profile picture of the face rather than a front photo of it. Which makes it harder because you’re only looking at half of the face rather than the whole facial expression so you don’t know the whole picture of it. And you have to remind yourself to be thinking of the big picture behind the quote, not just the small details.
I also have gotten better at identifying facial expressions because I’ve been willing to pause the tv shows we watch as a family and as my parents am I reading their faces right. This has helped me because then I know when I’m reading their facial expression right with their tone and when I’m not getting it right.
A third article titled “The Misunderstood Child: The Child With a Nonverbal Learning Disorder by Liza Little, PsyD, RN who is a “Clinical Psychologist and Nurse Clinical Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Mental Health and the Director of Counseling Services at USM.”
“Children with NLD have difficulties with nonverbal communication. Since approximately 65% of meaning is communicated by nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice, facial expression, posture, and body language, there is a significant deficit for the child who cannot decipher or interpret nonverbal behavior (Nowicki & Duke, 1992; Thompson, 1997)...”
“Since children with NLD have difficulty noting and understanding facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language, they frequently have difficulty with relationships. The poor interpretation of social cues makes children and adults with NLD vulnerable to ridicule, rejection, and victimization (Denckla, 1991; Foss, 1991; Fuerst and Rourke, 1993; Grace & Malloy, 1992; Harnadek and Rourke, 1994; Little, 1998; Rourke, 1995; Thompson, 1997, Weintraub & Mesulam, 1983). These children often are negatively labeled by their peers.”
I can relate to these two quotes because I know that when I’m in social situations I feel pressured to comprehend body language correctly otherwise I may embarrass myself. I may have people laugh at me because I interpreted what they were saying wrong or didn’t know they were teasing me, instead I thought they were being serious and literal. Or I may have been staring at their face for too long trying to figure out if I can understand their facial expression.
Or because of COVID if I know them because half of their face is being covered by a mask it’s hard for me to recognize who they are and also read their facial expression. When one is wearing a mask you only have the eyes and eyebrows to look at which aren’t very easy to match with facial expressions if you don’t know what to look for. You have to teach yourself what one’s eyes are when they’re angry, about to cry, happy, smiling, or frustrated, scared, needing help, concerned, or whatever emotion it may be.
You can try to look at other parts of the body like their shoulders, arms, or hands to see that can help you recognize their facial emotions. But this doesn’t always help, since it may not match with their facial expression exactly.
The tone of voice is tricky for one with NLD to discern because you need to pay attention to the emphasis in one’s voice. I have difficulty noticing when my tone is affected by me being in pain or discomfort from my chronic migraines so I usually state to my family or friends when I have one so they know why I might have an edge, sound snappy, or short with my voice. I have gotten tired of saying this because I often feel like I’m walking on eggshells and waiting for something bad to happen related to my voice or NLD, just because I’m not good or natural at reading body language. But I’m getting better at it each day and time I practice. “NLD From the Inside Out” by Michael Brain Murphy second edition is a good book to read to get better at comprehending body language.
So whether it’s trying to comprehend body language, notice subtleties in the tone of voice, or someone teasing you so you don’t embarrass yourself in social situations, people with NLD and I still have challenges with these things today. As I wrap I would like to hear from my audience and see what challenges you run into when you’re trying to comprehend body language and social situations? Please email at livingwithnld@gmail.com if you’re listening on Spotify. Or comment on the episode on livingwithnld.com, a youtube channel. You can also send a review to this podcast on Apple Podcasts. Thank you for listening today. I hope you learned some new things today and enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next Friday.
Links for articles:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/odd-girl-in/201304/facial-expressions-anxiety-nlders-and-others
http://www.iag-online.org/resources/New-Items-2e/Misunderstood-Child--NLD.pdf
