Strengths and Differences of NLD from Lauren's and Jennifer's Perspective

In today’s episode, I’ll have one of my good friends Natalie reading Lauren's answers to the questions I asked her about her life with NLD. We will read Lauren's answers to the questions and then I will answer them also. In addition, we will discuss the strengths and challenges of people with NLD experience and what’s like being in social situations with it.

Do you want me to use your real name or a fake one?: You can use Lauren Sangster, from Nova Scotia, Canada.” When were you diagnosed with NLD? “I was diagnosed with NLD at age 15 in grade 10. The school had me assessed.”

My response to this question: I was 19, was diagnosed with NLD, and was born with it. 

What caused it? “I don't know what caused it. But I always knew something Was wrong with me. I struggled tremendously with math, science, and social cues. Had difficulty making friends. And always felt like the odd one out.”

My response to this question: Yes you may be different from other people but that doesn’t mean there is something bad about you. Yes, there are many things different about other people who don’t have NLD but that's alright because that’s what makes you who you are. 

How do you feel about having it? “I am now 21 and have learned to live with it. I am okay with having it but I hate how I have very few social skills still.”

My response to this question: I honestly don’t know how to describe what it is like to have NLD to someone else but I’ll do my best. It feels like I am mentally blind even though I can physically see because I can’t describe to someone what it’s like to have NLD. I don’t want anyone else to have it because I know how challenging it is to go through life having it. I have to remind myself often that NLD is something I have and it’s not me. This means that it isn’t always my fault that something doesn’t come naturally; it’s NLD’s fault. I hope that explanation made sense to you.

What differences (or challenges) do you struggle with?: “I struggle with many things. Some of the biggest struggles are reading sarcasm. I can't draw a pie chart. I have virtually no sense of direction and when I have to drive somewhere new I have to have someone drive me first as a “practice run” and then I must drive it over and over. And will still usually forget it instantly after. I struggle with understanding what someone wants of me meaning I need to be instructed to do something bluntly. I find it hard to take hints. This had gotten me in trouble at work before. I struggle with multitasking. I can't use mirrors in my vehicle due to poor visual-spatial. I have to open the door when backing up. There are more but it could probably fill 10 pages.”

My response to this question: Yes I do and I have talked about many of my struggles already on the podcast, so I don’t need to repeat them. But if you do want a refresher I struggle with doing: mental math, reading social cues, knowing when to stop talking, doing sports, and fine motor skills (i.e. tying shoelaces, and shuffling cards). Those are just a few of the things I struggle with if I were to name all of them we might be here all day. 

Does your family help you with those challenges? Do they help you by alleviating the challenges? Or do they make them worse?: “My family does not help much. Well, my Mom tries to understand and be helpful but just gets frustrated. My Dad doesn't seem to believe it’s a real thing even after I got the diagnosis from school and the children's hospital assessment. He thinks It's just an excuse for me to be “stupid” or annoy him.” 

My response to these questions: Yes, my family does try to help me with my challenges. My mom, dad, and brother have been angels in trying to help me with my learning challenge. They have been dedicated to helping me in any way they can ever since I was diagnosed. They did even before I was diagnosed but after they knew why I was having challenges with so many things they were relieved because now they knew why. Now that big question mark in their head could disappear in their mind because they had the answers. I’m sorry that Lauren’s family doesn’t help her like mine does because I can only imagine how challenging it would be if I didn’t have any help. I don’t want to even begin to imagine what that would be like. I’m truly sorry that Lauren has to go through life without having help from the very people that should be giving it to her without a single doubt in their minds of why she needs it. Her dad should not be thinking that NLD is an excuse for her to be “stupid”  to  “annoy him.” He should be helping her in any way possible and in every way that he can. This is what my parents do.

Are there gifts you have from NLD?: “I am not sure if I have any gifts from NLD. But I do have an excellent verbal memory. Especially when I was a child. Years before I knew I had NLD I could recite entire movie soundtracks after watching them once. Same with playing music on the piano and remembering the song perfectly I can’t read music of course and play by ear. NLD Also makes me very rigid which is helpful at work as I am a correctional officer and it comes in handy when dealing with the inmates. Though sometimes I can almost be too strict lol. The inmates don't like me because they know they won't get away with anything when I am on shift.”

My response to this question: Lauren, you just stated the gifts you have because of having NLD, even if you’re not aware of it. Yes, I have a really good verbal memory. I remember scoring at the 99 percentile for verbal and auditory memory which is the highest an individual can get. I also can pay attention to detail well but in a really weird way. My mom calls it ladybug detail because it’s like I’m seeing something that nobody else would see or pay attention to. For example, when I was working on editing the description of my mom’s Youtube videos I made sure that links for my mom’s podcast were in every single public video on her Youtube channel. I have a really good memory when it comes to people’s names and faces. I also have an extraordinary memory for scenes from movies. 

Is there something you wish the world knew more about NLD?: “I Often wish I didn't have NLD. Because I always have and likely always will be the odd one out. I never get invited to parties because I always get way too drunk obviously who feels anxious when they're drunk. I also struggle to connect with others. I crave some sort of relationship. Not necessarily romantic. Just a real best friend. Sure at work, I laugh with my co-workers. In our line of work, the bond is very strong. But when I am not at work I’m alone. People I think feel comfortable talking to me for some reason so a lot of them will vent their problems to me which I don't mind. I like trying to help people. But having NLD I think causes me to miss out on a lot of possible friendships because I overshare or miss cues. I hate how Clumsy I am. Ironically I played many sports including hockey all my childhood right until I was 18. So it is possible. I was a very good goalie in hockey. Though it took years to get good. I skated and moved very oddly. People would make fun of it.” 

My response to this question: I wish they knew more about it and what it was like to have it. I also wish that they knew that it belongs to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (i.e. DSM) because it is a legitimate learning challenge. People including me do suffer because they have it. I know that may seem like I’m exaggerating when I’m saying that but I’m not really because my life is challenging. 

Do you ever feel like it is a burden? Do you ever wish you didn’t have it?: “I often feel like it is a burden. I always felt so stupid in school. Even before I was diagnosed I was on Individual Personal Plan (i.e. IPP)  in math and Science right from the 3rd grade to grade 12. I always felt the teachers didn't know how to help me. My school was very small and rural and didn't have many options for kids with learning issues. I spent hours crying after school because of math. I enjoyed school because of the routine. But math was a whole different ball game and I hated it. Hated feeling stupid when I and the other kids on IPPs had to leave the room to go do different math. It was humiliating.” 

My response to this: Yes, I do sometimes but then I realize that if I didn’t have it I wouldn’t be me. I like who I am but I do wish some things were easier for me. Ever since I was diagnosed with NLD I’ve been working to make my life easier because I know deep down that it can be. And I want it to be. I know what it's like to be humiliated or made fun of by someone because that has happened to me. When I was in girl scouts I was made fun of for the way I was dancing at a concert, my troop was attending. I remember that it took a few minutes to realize that they were making fun of me because I have NLD, I process things slower than other people do. But once I knew what was happening I just kept dancing because I didn’t care that they were making fun of me. After all, I was having fun. When I think back on this I realize that I might have made a different choice now but that’s only because I know that I have NLD now and didn’t then. If it happened again I would stand up for myself and by doing the same thing I did then because I showed them that I didn’t care what they thought about me. 

What would you tell others who have NLD as motivation for when they get discouraged?“For motivation to others with NLD, I would say to do what you love no matter what. I NEVER thought I would succeed in my career as a correctional officer. But I love it. And yes NLF does make some aspects of it challenging. But it also gives me strength too. Everyone said I couldn't do it. And I did. If you're a kid in high school, I found college much better. I excelled in my criminal justice program. Yes, I found the tactics class (learning combat techniques to control inmates and defend yourself) very hard because I’m so clumsy. But I did it with hard work. And that’s what you need to do. Just do what you love and don’t listen to anyone who says you can’t. I found a mentor in college who helped me tremendously. You will find someone who believes in you despite your learning disabilities. But more importantly, you will succeed and believe in yourself. It just takes the time to learn your weaknesses and strengths.”

My response to this question: Don’t give up! Look at how far you have come by reminding yourself of how many things used to be challenging for you compared to now. I do that quite often and it works for me. I love to say to myself “I’ve come so far, I can’t stop now!” I also say “Remember all the hills you’ve climbed and battles you’ve won because you are one strong cookie!” And one more thing “What doesn’t kill makes you stronger!”

What would you tell people who don’t know they NLD but suspect they might?“For people who suspect they have NLD, I would say to find a psychologist/counselor/etc who knows NLD to help get you diagnosed and get the guidance you need. After I was diagnosed I was kind of just left to my own devices and I feel if I had an expert to help me things would have been way easier.”

My response to this question:  I would tell them that they should follow that burning hunching that is inside themselves telling them “there's something different about me from everyone else in my family.” I urge them to get tests done by a psychologist so they can discover if they have a learning challenge. 

What are some of the things that are challenging for you when making a new friend? What things do you find challenging when you are trying to read body language or social cues? “When making a new friend it is challenging for me to know what is acceptable to share at what stages of the friendship. I tend to overshare by trying to make conversation and end up talking about myself because I don't know what else to talk about, OR I ask too much about them trying to counter talking about myself. In other words, I cannot do small talk. I tend to have the best luck with people who are “different" from me. I feel more comfortable around other oddballs. But to be honest, animals are my friends. I have a small farm consisting of various fowl, cows, and pigs. My Golden retriever. However, I still feel as if I am missing human interaction outside of work. I am also extremely anxious and nervous about new people and places. Even more so in the 2.5 years, I have been a correctional officer. I can only talk to other corrections officers who are odd like me.”

My response to this: I also tend to overshare in friendships because of the same thing that Lauren shared, I don’t when it’s appropriate to share certain things. I tend to probably not ask enough about the other person when I’m talking to them because sometimes I forget that I’m not the only one that should be contributing to the conversation. When this happens I try to take a breath and say something like “enough about me what about you, how are you doing?” That usually helps the other realize that I was aware of the fact that I was talking too much, it also shows them that I do want to learn more about them. And that I care about them, too. 

Do you have any memorable stories that you are okay with me using in the podcast?: “I have a story that might be interesting. At work, an inmate who I now know was joking with me…Was rough horsing with another inmate. I told them to stop as they're kind of like children and play fights often turn into real fights. So they did. One of them who loves to joke around with officers later was hiding in his cell so when I walked by to go around he jumped out at me and yelled “boo!” Well whether it was the NLD that makes it hard for me to understand a joke or the corrections officer in me that has made me Hyper-vigilant and react fast. I grabbed that guy by the arms and slammed him to the ground so hard he almost broke his elbow. After I had him cuffed he said “Jesus miss I was just messing with you!” He was okay and got written up for his childish behavior which resulted in him getting slammed by a girl in front of all his buddies. I wasn't happy that day to have to do a use of force report and explain that I thought he was being serious and coming at me. But looking back it’s a funny story I think. Having NLD is one thing and being a correctional officer with NLD is a whole different can of worms! Haha.” 

My response to this: That sounds like a memorable story for Lauren. I can remember many times in my life when I was growing up and couldn’t tell when my dad or brother was teasing me. Oftentimes I couldn’t tell because they kept such a straight face while doing it which made it seem like they were being serious to me. This makes sense to me because people with NLD do tend to take things too literally. But now I’ve learned to tease my family back, they just need to return it to me so I can keep practicing. 

Whether it’s trying to deal with having NLD every day, making new friends, or explaining to someone else what’s like to have NLD I and others still struggle with these issues today. In conclusion, I would like to hear from my audience about the strengths and differences that you think you have because you are a ND or a NT.