Nonverbal Cues and NLD
I’m certain many if not all of you who read the previous episode are still processing it just like my family was when it was disclosed to them in August of 2008 and earlier this year about the con artist. Sorry if it triggered something for you in your past but I wanted to warn people like me that these things that happened can happen to them too because when you have NLD it’s easier to be taken advantage of. This has to do with you being able to trust strangers more than neurotypicals do.
I didn’t have any electricity yesterday because of the strong 37 mph winds in San Diego but it turned back at 8 pm. It shut off the night before when I was trying to charge my phone. I forgot how much I like candlelight and appreciate electricity! When I was checking our Apple TV audio to make sure the fire wasn’t making it hot I accidentally turned the tv off because I shocked it with my finger. I’ve never done that before so I wasn’t expecting that to happen. Weird right?
In today’s chapter, we’re going to discuss nonverbal cues that I worked on understanding because of having NLD. Please go to livingwithnld.com to learn more about my podcast and book. In “How Zoom Fatigue Provides a Window into NVLD” Z talks about the fatigue that they experience when they have to interpret nonverbal cues because of having NLD. Z is a teacher and Ph.D. student living in CA. (quote) “ I was diagnosed with NVLD at the age of 9 in 2001; after growing up with NVLD,”
“Was he smiling when he arrived that day? Does he look settled into his chair, or like he’s about to run off to a meeting? Did he sound impatient or frustrated on the phone call he just had? Deciding that the signs are in my favor, I head into his office and strike up a conversation. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, waiting for any sign that things are about to go downhill, and my body is in constant fight-or-flight mode. A few minutes in, after he brusquely sends me out of his office, I realize retroactively that I’d chosen the wrong time, despite my precautions. I must have interrupted him, said the wrong thing, or had the wrong look on my face. All of my painstaking preparations were for naught, and now I’ve blown my chance. After all that effort, my body feels I’ve run a marathon. That’s the exhausting routine I put myself through to have a normal conversation, and even though it’s barely 9 AM, I feel ready for a nap.” I now advocate for and teach students with learning differences.” (end quote)
I can relate to Z because ever since I was 19 I have been aware of having NLD and have been exhausted from interpreting and needed to work extra hard to interpret several things that don’t come naturally to me like nonverbal cues. Nonetheless, I keep working at trying to understand them because it will help me be part of the neurotypical world. I have had to learn many nonverbal cues like hand signals, body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice to know what they can convey when you’re having a conversation with someone. My family has helped me learn them by letting me pause the tv so I can ask what a nonverbal cue means so I can make sure I’m understanding it correctly.
I also read the second edition of the book “NLD from the Inside out” by Michael Brian Murphy. He wrote about nonverbal cues and how to understand them in this book. I learned from his book that if one leans their shoulders and feet pointed towards you when you’re talking to them, they’re interested in the conversation.
Here’s a quote from an article the NVLD Project titled “ Finding the Healing Touch: How Adults with NVLD Can Effectively Articulate their Sensory Needs to their Partners”, by Benjamin Meyer, LCSW “a bilingual psychotherapist and executive functioning coach who specializes in working with young adults with NVLD, and I was inspired by my personal experience to help those I work with to transition to the professional and social demands of adult life. I believe that each person is unique and that we are more than just our labels and diagnosis. I am a Project Social Ambassador for The NVLD Project.” (end quote)
“Many people with NVLD face a unique challenge in romantic relationships: how to manage their sensory sensitivity. It is documented that some individuals with NVLD may have either an acute or blunted sense of hearing, taste, smell, or touch (Schatz, 2013). The senses can play a role in all stages of romance, from choosing a venue for a first date to deciding on when and how to touch for the first time. For someone with sensory sensitivity, these aspects of dating may be especially anxiety-producing; it may also be more difficult for these individuals to develop a deeper level of physical intimacy as a relationship progresses.
These challenges can be compounded by the fact that individuals with NVLD sometimes struggle to interpret social cues and body language, leading to difficulties knowing when and how to articulate their sensory needs. However, by being clear in expressing one’s needs and boundaries to one’s significant others, individuals with sensory sensitivity can not only help their partners to understand them better, but also create a mutual trust that may ultimately lead to greater physical intimacy.”
I can relate to this quote because I do have acute taste, touch, and hearing. I have a big gag reflex. I’m pretty sensitive when someone tickles me. I can hear really well even if you whisper to me. I think this is all due to NVLD not sure what else it could be due to. This relates to nonverbals cues with dating because you may not be able to tell well or easily when a guy or girl wants to move in closer and be more intimate with you. So like Ben said you do want to set boundaries with your dating partner because it will help them know what you want and don’t want.
Another article from the NVLD Project titled “What’s Everyone Laughing about? I Just Don’t Get It!, by Megan who is (quote) “a graduate of the Child & Youth Worker program from Cambrian College and I’m pursuing my degree in Disability Studies at Ryerson University along with a certificate in Aboriginal Knowledges & Experiences. I am a Project Social Ambassador for The NVLD Project. (end quote)
“Laughter has always been a hidden language for me. I always took things literally. My first memory of this was when I was maybe about five years old, and had caught the flu. My mom had told me “I caught a bug from school.” I honestly thought I had an actual bug inside my body that was making me sick. I took it upon myself to find a flashlight and to “look for the bug down my throat.” This was just the beginning of taking things so literally.”
I can relate to this quote also because it took me a while to understand the nonverbal cue of sarcasm. I got better with this when I was watching shows like Steven Colbert, John Oliver, and Trevor Noah with my family because I was starting to be able to tell why some of the things were funny, but not all of them. I also got better because my dad and brother teased me a lot growing up but I usually took it seriously, like Megan. Now when I’m 24 I try to tease them back and sometimes they tease me in return to help me practice for my friends.
The last article from the NVLD Project has good suggestions for what to do after being diagnosed with NLD. I'll give you the link to the podcast description. It is titled “You Have NVLD. Now What?, by Annalisa Perfetto, Ph.D. who is an “Educational Therapist and Literacy Specialist who, together with Susan Micari, BCET has started a practice for adults with learning disabilities called EdTherapyNYC. This practice addresses dyslexia, NVLD, ADHD, and executive function deficits in adults who are in college, graduate school, and the workforce.
Annalisa has 10 years of experience in the education industry, and shifted from her career as a foreign language teacher when she realized that many of her adolescent and young adult students struggled to read and learn. Annalisa’s academic articles have appeared in several edited volumes and journals like The Oklahoma Reader. In 2018 she was nominated for the International Literacy Association’s 30 Under 30 and was also awarded the 2019 Outstanding Author Contribution Award by Emerald Press for her article Disruptive Innovations for Teacher Education.” (end quote)
I agree with Annalisa’s steps that you want to take after a diagnosis. I would add that you have someone with you when you are getting the news if possible so you can have someone to process with if necessary. Whether it’s trying to deal with trying to do better with reading and learning nonverbal cues, I and other people with NLD still have issues with this today. If you have challenges with reading body language I would read the book “NLD from the Inside out” second edition by Michael Murphy to help you get better at understanding nonverbal cues.
