Interview with Dateability, Johnathon and Me (Part 3)

Jen: Please feel free to explore the other topics on the podcast, and hopefully you will learn something new from them. I hope you enjoy today's episodes.

about how I'm feeling.  That makes sense to me.  I've been ghosted a bunch of times and I don't know how that feels. So I would rather have somebody tell me   You know why?  " Not necessarily why but yeah, they are leaving they don't have to say why  but yeah, that makes sense what you guys were talking about where   To do it verbally with the,  it being,  exclusive or not.

And , if you want to, like, generalize the relationship as well, I think that's good.  And I think for me ,  I've had some. People I've dated in the past where I thought it was serious. And then I asked them about that and they were like, Oh, I didn't make that clear. I'm like, no, you didn't.  No, that's why I'm asking.

I didn't say that, but I was thinking that.  Yeah. ,  And so it's like, And I think for me, I wonder, cause I've dated mostly neurotypicals, not neurodivergent, and so it's like hard for me, like, well, were they giving a nonverbal cue that I didn't read that said they wanted to be serious or something like that?

Jen: But,   what I was also wanting to ask was, ,  basically,  like from Your standpoint of,  what kind of, challenges you see, ,  neurodiverse or chronically ill individuals, , and neurotypicals too, I'm sure have challenges on dating apps. , like what challenges someone may have if you're neurodiverse versus neurotypical and,  What challenges do you think both people would have, , regardless of neurodiverse or neurodivergent?

Jacquline or Alexa I think it  sort of goes back to my earlier point about people not putting in the time and seeing that, and like, the time and effort to do that. And I think that people will get discouraged very easily, but I always think like it's, it's better to have genuine people who, who's like you or who are interested in you on an app versus like a hundred people that maybe just are swiping and whatever.

, and so I, I, my advice to people is like just to not get discouraged when on a dating app or even dating just in person , it, it, it's hard.  And, however you want,  you don't want to settle. You, you want to find that person who genuinely Connects with you. , and, and the difference is I think the really beautiful thing is like all three of us or all four of us have  Different abilities and just like different dating lives and we all have the understanding that dating is hard.

This is what happened to me. And this is what's happened to you And they are all just like  I mean, they're, they're just all human.  And so I think remembering that and when you connect with people is,  is, is really important.

Johnathon: Yeah, I think you shared humanity is key. And I think that there are absolutely  issues that one demographic experiences over another.  But my experiences, I think that Most of the issues are human issues, and I think one of the ones that we have fallen into, and I also think it maybe could be our generation to a certain extent, is the trap that just because you are a catch and excellent person, you're going to be right for every other catch and excellent person.

And the truth of the matter is that you can have two really, really cool and great people. that aren't compatible, doesn't make either of them bad, doesn't make either of them any less of a great person.   And I think that remembering that helps when we receive rejection, because we're all going to receive rejection, but it's not a reflection of you.

Sometimes it's a reflection of the other person and like, are they willing to be accepting? Are they willing to, are they an adult? Do they know how to compromise and they know how to have difficult conversations?  But it also can just simply be, this isn't the right fit and that's okay. And, and accepting that, that that's normal and that's the reality for everybody.

Nobody is right for literally everybody else. And that's okay.  You'll, you'll, you'll find your people I think is,  is, is something that I think has helped at least a lot in my experience of seeing people relax a little bit and ease up and know that when they do get the text message, Hey, there's not a spark here. It's okay.

Jacqueline or Alexa :Yeah, that's a lesson that I wish I knew, , in my earlier years,  but I think it does take some time and maturity to realize that, 

Jen: Yeah, that makes sense to me what you guys were talking about with the, um, humanity piece and the,   I think that's a good point that we're all human, even with being neurodiverse or chronically ill or,  whatever,  challenge that you live with. And,  You were, a lot of you were already speaking to this, but I was wondering if there's anything you hadn't mentioned,  why you find this,  line of work with dating apps and,  with helping with , trust and safety, why you find it important to you.

Jacquline or Alexa  I really love hearing our success stories. That's what drives us. Like when we had our first message that there were, that we, someone had found love on Datability. We were so thrilled and we were just so excited and completely reassured us that what we were doing was good and that we were making a difference.  And, and especially with our community, community.

Just like the isolation and discrimination and just like how we are overlooked by  so many people. We really, really wanted to make a difference within our community. And, you know, hopefully that bleeds into the rest of the world too.  Yeah, I agree. I mean, everyone deserves love. Everyone's worthy of love.

And I hate thinking of systemic discrimination and just people being isolated. So those success stories and the positive feedback definitely keep me going.  Yeah, for me, it's a paradigm shift of  changing the view that. This niche group picks any sort of group that's based on marginalization that this niche group is an edge case.

Johnathon: We'll get to them later. We have the majority of people here and flipping on the heads of those who aren't educated. Those are stress cases instead of it being well, let's build for most everybody. And then we'll figure out how we build for them. No, create a safer place. For those marginalized groups, because when you do that, you're really putting your platform, your application, whatever it is you're building to the test.

Because if you can create a safer environment for them, you're going to create a safer environment for everybody else. And you are going to level up what that safe experience looks like. And then it's no longer trying to, you know, Fit them in through the side door of, okay, well, you can be here. If, if you do all these other things, it's no, this was built with all of you in mind and look at that, everyone else can go through that door too. And it's a better place because of it.  Yeah, I really love that. Well said.

Jacquline or Alexa  Yeah, I, I like that too.

Jen: And,   I feel like for me,  well, I don't work with dating apps, but for my podcast,  I feel like it's, The reason I feel mine is important for me is,  I  really like, advocating for people who feel like it's might be challenging for them to do that for themselves, or  they don't know how to, speak up for themselves. Sometimes that can be tricky. , or they don't, you know, putting voice to the voiceless basically, , and trying to educate people who,  really haven't heard of NLD or other, , invisible, challenges as well and being, you know, Upfront about it and vulnerable with the challenges and,  trying to give them a piece of, hey, this is really like what it's like to live with a chronically illness or,  being neurodivergent versus neurotypical and,  kind of open their eyes to see, oh,  you know,  If you're a neurotypical, you might not think about, some things that neurodivergence have that's challenges.

And I'm sure that's true for the chronically ill as well.  And, let's see. Oh, one of them, just a couple other questions.  I wanted to ask,  what are some of the things that you find you like or dislike with your line of work?  

Jacquline or Alexa Customer service can be difficult, but.  It also can be rewarding, but, you know, I, it gives me a whole new appreciation of  that line of work.

And like, whenever I talk to them, a lot of people will assume that who they're emailing is like either a bot or just like a random representative and nope, it's us, so we see everyone's messages. , and  I just remind myself, like anytime I'm, you know, if I'm talking to someone. On Amazon or something like just be kind. and I think that that really gets people far. ,  And I I just I've learned so much throughout this process that more than I could have ever even imagined or  frankly wanted to learn.  But I have really really enjoyed it. Like me, I feel like I've  gained so much experience. This is really my first job.

, and it's a lot of managing. Like I've had my fair share of mental breakdowns. Like any, when we first had to file taxes, I was like. Oh no, like I was like, we're gonna be, they're gonna handcuff us and take us to jail because I do not know how to do this.  And you just, you figure it out.  So I've really enjoyed learning and,  just making, feeling like an entrepreneur.

Yeah, the customer service part's hard for me, but it can also be rewarding. But I think all the people I've met that I would have never met had I not launched Datability. And so that's been the best aspect for me. 

Johnathon: My first job was customer service. I can feel, I can feel the pain. Yeah.  But I, I at least had a bigger team when I was working and I wasn't the only one, but, I think now the thing that's, that's hard about, , my work is convincing.  Companies that are in a down economy that trust and safety are still worth investing in and that is part of the long term success and health of your platform. It's not simply a cost center. It is something that eventually drives long term growth. , and it can truly be the downfall if you don't do it right.

But that's a hard thing to sell, particularly when. People that work in the space are generally there because they believe it's the right thing to do.  That's not always the argument that works, , for, you know, CFO minded types.

Jacqueline or Alexa Yes. 

Jen: Yeah, I can understand the customer.  piece and   I think for me,   I really like what I do with my podcast. It's just a hobby,  but,  I think for me it's become more of just a hobby over time and,  I can remember when I was starting this , it's almost four years now that I've been doing this and   I was really nervous with recording myself and had to do it many times. Sometimes I remember one episode I had to do like 20 different times. I was just stumbling way too much.  And I also realized over time, you know, stumbling is okay actually. I try to remind my audience that sometimes because,   And there will be days where I'm like, do I really want to do my podcast? Because I'm tired or in a lot of pain. And I'm like,  ah, maybe not.

Maybe. So,  I think that's good to, , be honest with yourself and be, you know,  mindful of your self care too, and be like, Hey, it's okay to. You know, maybe do it tomorrow or skip a week and take a break.   But for me, I really enjoy interviewing other people and seeing how they work with their customers and their clients and.

Like you guys, how you make the apps more safe for people to use and more open. I really appreciate that.  I was also,  well, we actually already talked about this a lot, but maybe there's some that I haven't come up with, like safety measures. You really try to take with the dating apps or. Also, when you,   with people meeting up in person, since it's from the dating perspective.

Jacquline or Alexa Yeah,  I think everything we talked about before, educating public place, sharing your location with somebody that you know will be diligent and like that you can trust, who will be watching over you,  Profile verification on the app, I think really helps and then just like taking things slow and taking your time.

It's a marathon, not a sprint. And so I think that having that in mind takes some of the pressure off and makes you more rational and less likely to jump into something without thinking about it. 1st

Johnathon: Well said how much I'd add to that.

Jen:  Yeah, I agree with  that. And I would say,   like, you know, like we said about meeting up in person and in public places.  And Alexa, I think you added something good to letting somebody else know where you're meeting. That's good to to have, like, accountability to say, hey,  you know, like, if I was, you know, I usually do that with my parents, actually, I Since I've lived with them, I let them know where I'm going to be meeting somebody or with a friend,   I think,   Oh yeah, I also did that because in college I did a little bit of dating.

I would try to let my parents or my brother or friend know where I was meeting somebody because, Johnathon and I both went to the same college at different times, so that was helpful to have that similarity and be like, yeah. I know where that place is. That's a good place or no, it's not a good place.

Jennifer picks a different one when that's more safe.   Which I'm sure probably has happened with you, Alexa with Jacqueline too, maybe, and vice versa.    What I was also curious about is what you,  for you guys, what you hope for the future of trust and safety and dating apps and,  for datability as well.  You know, for safety, I hope that this AI stuff calms down and AI generated profiles are really scary and they can talk with you. And so I hope that, you know, we're able to combat that a bit. And for data ability, I hope that, you know, we globalize, we become a household name. People know who everyone knows who we are and anyone who wants to sign up can sign up and knows about us.

Jacquline or Alexa Cause that's probably the hardest part is getting the word out. And so we love doing stuff like this, to just share our story and let everyone know the date ability is here.

Johnathon: Yeah. And I think for the broader industry, just the recognition that.  By creating safer and more inclusive platforms, you're, you're, you're adding to your customer base. It's not, there may be a little bit of friction that's being added when you create those systems and those features, but it's healthy friction and it actually results in a higher quality experience for everybody.

Jen:  Yeah, that makes sense to me too.  And I would agree with you that,  we hope that there's more safety and trust in the future as well. And,  I agree with the AI piece, you know, that it can be scary with, , it sounds so real and like, no, it's not.    And I think that can be a little scary.

It's like, oh, I have to watch out for. The voice now, not just a visual piece.  And , be vigilant about that.

Jacquline or Alexa And I will Stop at 2:45. We have another meeting to go to

Jen: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, so, uh, yeah, that was the last question. I don't know if there's anything else you guys want to mention before we break up.

Jacqueline or Alexa : No, we are so grateful And it's been lovely meeting you both and having this great conversation.  Yeah, it's it's really nice to get all different perspectives  and I think that that's what makes adventures like all of ours successful is like the personal experience and like the the personal desire to change and  I just commend all of us for doing what we're doing 

Jen; Thank you, and I, I agree with you as well, and I appreciate you letting me interview you all, and, I will connect with you guys later as well.

Jacquline or Alexa  Sounds good. Thank you. Thank you both.

Johnathon: Let's stay in touch.

Jacquline or Alexa Yes, I absolutely love that,  and have a great weekend. You too. Likewise. Bye.

Welcome to Living with an Invisible Learning Challenge, where we will discuss and discover the challenges and triumphs of those living with NLD,  nonverbal learning disability, and other learning challenges such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dysgraphia,  and any other invisible learning differences that one may experience.

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