What is Normal to NLDERS?
Today we’ll talk about what is normal for NLDers. Here is an excerpt from an article from the NVLD Project, titled “It Takes a Village to Raise a Child” by Elieen who is always thinking of the world of Patty Bell, Joann, and Jim Adams! They are truly the best of the best!”
“The first adult I will never forget is my secondary speech therapist, Patty Bell. She always had such confidence in me. Thanks to this and her incredible teaching style I was able to learn the proper communication skills to navigate life even though the odds were against me learning them. Yes, while we did encounter challenges as I was learning how to have a “normal” conversation, understand the importance of eye contact, practicing sounds, and use the proper tone of voice, we did make a tremendous amount of progress in these areas. Her rich empathy and high level of care allowed for this to happen. Since my schooling, I have kept in touch with her and I am proud to say her level of support hasn’t wavered.”
I can relate to this quote because it has taken a village to raise me and help me get to where I am today. I even had a speech therapist growing up who was very nice and helped me for a couple of years. She helped me learn the difference between hard and soft vowels. I wonder if I had her longer for what Elieen had hers for if that would have improved my social skills. I’m sure it would have, but I’m not exactly sure how or in what ways because it’s a little hard to imagine.
But I have had maybe people help me with the school. I’ve had about 25 tutors if I combine all the ones that helped me in the middle, high school, and college but I’m not including all the professors and teachers in colleges that helped me in-office hours. If I did that it might get to about 40 or 50. That includes my parents, brother, and dog in there too. I want to thank all these people because I wouldn’t be where I am today without their help. It would have taken a lot more time to graduate from college to get into it without their assistance.
Here’s another article titled “Awkward” from the NVLD Project from Nicholas who says “Quarantine life is actually pretty normal for me because my job is essential and I still have to go to work. The internet does make things less boring though.”
“Hey, hi, how are you? Oh, you weren’t talking to me? There’s someone else right behind me? Awkward. I guess I should pay more attention to my surroundings. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, so I can understand if you’ve forgotten who I am, although I probably won’t realize it until later.”
I can relate to Nicholas because I have been in many awkward situations before. Some I have put myself in, like once I thought I saw my brother walking down a street in Berkeley and started yelling Johnathon but then realized I was wrong when the guy didn’t turn around. Oops. I was at my mom’s church one Sunday and saw a woman I thought I knew and yelled at Jeanne but then realized I didn’t know her. Ohoho. In both those situations, I felt very awkward and made a fool of myself.
I’ve gotten better at not doing this by trying to recognize people by their face and name so I don’t do the same thing again, although with COVID and masks sometimes that doesn’t help because it can cover up a lot of the face. But if I know the person and have seen them regularly then it usually doesn’t matter or makes a difference. If you want a list of symptoms that most people with NLD experience go to page four of this article “Non-verbal Learning Disorders (NLD)” (it’s the last link for the articles that I’ll post in the description).
Here’s another article from the NVLD Project that I can definitely relate to. It is titled “Life with NVLD as Told by Those Around Me” by Stephanie is a (quote) “technology strategist and systems developer for a nonprofit in Washington, DC. I struggled for years to deal with my “brokenness,” spending most of my adult life running from myself, living in a codependent relationship, struggling to keep any minimum wage job, and trying desperately to find a place where I fit in. My diagnosis was a Eureka moment that saved my life. I struggle every day to give myself acceptance and compassion, but I have never felt more successful or accomplished.”
“I was not diagnosed with NVLD until my mid-thirties. My tragedies and mistakes are many and I couldn’t pick one to share with you today. Rather, I will share with you snapshots of my experiences as said to me and about me throughout my life.
Words from them/you:
Your handwriting is bad because you are lazy. If you just focus, you can write better.
Why does she hang out with adults all the time?
Why can’t she get along with her peers?
Why can’t she make friends?
What is wrong with you?
Why can’t you be normal?
What made you think I meant that?
Why are you so mean? (after making a nonjudgmental observation)
How did you not get that?
You don’t seem disabled to me – you’re so smart.
I’m socially awkward too. That doesn’t make you special, you’re just an introvert.”
I can relate to these thoughts and questions because I’ve often wondered if other people have thought that about me sometimes when I tell them I have NLD. I’m used to not being normal because my mind and brain are not wired to be normal, but I try to have a somewhat normal life. But I’m starting to realize as I write this script that there really is not such a thing as normal even for neurotypicals. We all have our own version of “normalcy” and that’s a good thing because that works for us.
It really does take a village to raise a child, teen, or adult with NLD, because they really don’t grow out of it, unfortunately. You can make life easier by working constantly on the challenges that you encounter to make them easier to do but even with doing that there will still be some that will be harder to solve than others like driving vs. mental math. I’m a lot better at math now than I was but I’m still working on getting better at driving and will be for a while, probably years, but I ain't giving up. I don’t give up easily.
So whether you have challenges with knowing what’s normal for NLDers because you have NLD or know someone with it I hope this episode helped you understand a little bit more of that today. And what we still struggle with daily. As I wrap up today I would like to hear from you about your “normalcy” in life with NLD or NTs. Please comment on this on livingwithnld.com. Or you can email me at livingwithnld@gmail.com.
In conclusion, I would like to hear from my audience if you know individuals with NLD that I could interview for this podcast. What are you interested in learning about NLD? I’m not an expert but I do know I have the living experience of having it. I would like you to practice journaling about your gifts and differences. Also, see if there is a way that you can make that difference easier for you to do than originally it was.
Links for articles:
https://www.gaudisite.nl/LiaCharite/EnglishNLDlectureKongsberg.pdf
